From Gray to Black
by BellatrixCrucioYou
Summary: A fanfiction taking you through Tobias's initiation. How he became Dauntless, earned his nickname, and got his faction tattoos. And of course, landed himself a first place rank among the other initiates.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! Yes, yes, I know. I haven't posted anything in ages, but here I am, starting something new. I've become slightly (okay, extremely) obsessed with Divergent by Veronica Roth. So here is my attempt at a Divergent fic. Just like it's always been my dream for JK Rowling to release more about the Marauders, it's my dream for Veronica Roth to release more about Four's initiation. I figured, since that isn't likely, I'd write my own version. And here it is! Let's hope I keep up with this, and it inspires me to get back to my other projects as well. This fic will be written in Four's POV. Enjoy, and reviews are always a plus! **

Chapter One

I wake to sunlight streaming in through the faded gray curtains that hang on the one window in my small bedroom. The house is quiet, and I don't expect anything else. I am an early riser. I always have been. I only lay in bed for a few seconds before I remember what today will bring, and why I feel an uncomfortable squirm in the pit of my stomach. It's Choosing Day for all 16 year olds. I've made up my mind already, I've chosen. I shouldn't feel this dread. I should feel relief at the choice I am going to make. I should feel happiness, excitement. But as I make my bed, the dread only increases.

I live in Abnegation. Here we are selfless, always putting others before our selves. I am selfless, I know. I belong here. There's no doubt in my mind that I belong here. And yet I have made it my choice to leave today. That choice has nothing to do with me (selfless, right? Not exactly). The choice has to do with someone else. That someone being me father. I can no longer handle his attitude toward me. I can no longer handle the compression of the small closet downstairs, or the pain that courses through me every time he raises the belt that my face, arms, and chest have become so familiar with. If I'm completely honest with myself, the thought of staying is frightening. I have grown scared of my father. My mother? Gone. Dead. I'm stuck. But not for much longer.

I let out a sigh as I glance around my room, knowing I'll be leaving it behind shortly. There's really not much to look at though. Abnegation are allowed a limited amount of decorations. We don't want to seem too self indulgent or perhaps seem as though we are trying to be better than someone else. Everyone is equal here. I like that about our faction. It's really a shame that my father has driven me to leave this behind. But I can't stay. I can't. Maybe that is cowardly of me, but that's for me to deal with because nobody else will know my intentions. That would be dangerous since my father is an Abnegation leader, part of the government. He has a persuasive, powerful demeanor. I never want to be a faction leader. The less I have to deal with him, the better. But my name is a constant reminder of his importance, and a reminder that we are forever linked. Tobias Eaton. Everyone associates me with him. His name is known, and so that makes me known. My decision to leave today will be a shock to others, but they will forget in time, and my father will not care about my departure, only his reputation.

That's when I recall the blue glass sculpture that my mother gave to me years ago. I don't think my father would approve of it. It's too enticing to the eye. It calls attention to itself, when nothing in Abnegation should. I kneel next to my desk and open the bottom drawer. I examine the contents carelessly, until my hand touches smooth, cool glass at the back of the drawer. Got it. I bring it out and admire it's intricacy. Then in an act of defiance toward my father, I place the sculpture on top of the desk and stare at it for just a moment longer.

I avert my eyes to the other parts of my bedroom, making mental notes of each item and the memories that come with them. My school text books, papers, a book shelf, and of course, the gray cloth that fills my closet and dresser. Such a bland color. But I am so accustomed to it now after 16 years of wearing nothing else. Soon I will be getting used to a new color, new people, and a new ideology. And in this moment I am not quite ready for the transition. I will not turn back though. I have been anticipating this day for years. I have no other option. I close the curtains, so the light vanishes. Then, with one last sweeping look, I depart from the bedroom, closing the door in my wake.

Down in the kitchen, I prepare myself a bowl of cereal. It's plain and boring, but again, this is how Abnegation live. I wonder what kind of foods the other factions eat for breakfast. I think of Amity and how they probably eat various fruits. The others I have no idea about. I manage to finish my entire bowl, despite the twisting in my stomach. I approach the sink to wash my dishes, when I hear a voice. The twisting gets tighter.

"Leave them there. I'll do it. I'm sure you're nervous." My father.

My mouth tightens, and I go completely still, tense. His presence always makes me tense, but I'm still able to utter back, "I'm fine. I can do it."

When I finish, I turn back to my father and notice he's wearing a gray suit jacket with gray pants. He is looking down, adjusting his tie. In looks we are actually uncannily similar. His dark hair, his ears that stick out slightly, and his hooked nose. All things I can't help because of him. Not that I am concerned about my looks, but it's just another thing that bonds us together. I'm still tense, and when he looks back up, he notices. He extends an arm and clamps my shoulder roughly.

"Tobias, stop looking so rigid all the time. What is there to snap about?" He grins, and I feel sick. He has no idea I'm about to leave him behind, humiliate him in front of other leaders and families. This is the last thought that consumes me before we are arriving at the Choosing Ceremony, and the idea of him sitting, embarrassed, brings me immense satisfaction.

When we do arrive, my father goes to join the other leaders. I distance myself from him as much as possible, sitting where the other 16 year olds from Abnegation are. Being naturally watchful and suspicious of others, I analyze the other teenagers, trying to guess who the transfers will be. I notice a boy from Erudite, his black eyes darting from one side of the room to the other. He looks scared out of his wits. His dark, parted hair shines as his head turns back and forth. He must be leaving his family behind today. Others seem calm, and even happy. I try not to let any emotions show. I sit with my back hunched forward, my elbows resting on my knees, and my chin resting on my clamped hands. I hope I look composed and calculated to others, to my father.

Then it begins, and the panic sets in. The list is alphabetical, so I won't have long to wait. I shut my eyes tight, and exhale. Composed and calculated, I tell myself. Composed and calculated.

"Tobias Eaton."

My eyes flutter open, and I exhale again before standing. I focus on the knife and the bowls. I see nobody, hear nothing, and feel nothing. My insides have gone numb. I don't remember moving my legs, but somehow I reached the bowls, and a knife is in my hand. My face is set, eyebrows straights as my lips. With my left hand I raise the knife and slice into my right hand. I hardly register the pain because the knowledge of what I am about to choose is consuming me. I pull my right fingers into a fist to hide my slight trembling. And what everyone expects is the opposite of what I do. My eyes flicker to the Abnegation bowl for a fraction of a second before I lift my fist so that it hovers over the coals that fill the Dauntless bowl. I watch as my deep red blood trickles down my wrist, and a drop of it falls as if in slow motion before sizzling against the coals.

I've done it. I've chosen Dauntless, faction of the brave. Finally feeling and hearing come back to me. As I take my seat with those dressed in all black, I don't regret anything. This is when my eyes find my father's. He is visibly shocked and angry. I stare, for at least a minute, communicating that I mean what I have done. I feel stronger now. He cannot dictate my life anymore. He can not abuse or scold me. When I finally look away, I lean back in my chair, back straight and tall, and my shoulders pulled back. So rare is it for Abnegation to switch to Dauntless. Stiffs as we're called by the other factions. But I will not be called a Stiff. I will prove myself worthy of a new faction. And as the whispers grow loud around me, I continue to look forward, free of guilt.

The murmuring continues for longer than I'd like. I wish they'd move on. Nobody wants to move on though. I keep my facial expressions the same, waiting. Finally everyone is asked to quiet down so that the Ceremony can continue. I let out a quiet sigh of relief. Nobody hears it, but I'm sure people still stare at me. I am careful not to let my posture sag the rest of the time. My eyes widen when the Erudite boy I was watching earlier who's name is Eric also transfers to Dauntless. He sits next to me, and I see his fingers shaking. He's trying to appear steady too.

Finally, after everyone has chosen their faction, the Ceremony ends. I do not look at my father as we exit the building. The moment the we're outside the door, the Dauntless leader leads us at a run toward the trains. It's strange, but I follow suit. I run up to the front of the group, feeling free. Then when the tracks get larger, and we almost run into them, we stop. Next thing I know, a train is rushing down the tracks toward us. I know what I have to do. I've seen it done many times before. I've studied the way Dauntless jump onto the train, making it seem so easy. I think I have watched enough times that I feel confident that I will make it on gracefully.

The first to board is our leader, Max. He makes it seem just as effortless as those I've watched in the past. Because I know what to do, I don't prolong the process. I am the first to attempt the jump on. I run up next to the train and continue beside it. After I wipe my sweating hands on my pants, I know it's time. I pick up speed, and then extend my left arm out, preparing to grab the handle. I know I am tall, and can't help but be thankful. That will work in my favor here in Dauntless. Or, I assume it will. My hand claps the handle with ease. Now the tricky part. I have to keep up with the train, and pull my body in. I take a breath, then, using all my strength, I jump parallel to the train's floor, and pull myself in. A little shaking on the landing, but those watching seem impressed. Max beams at me, nodding his head.

"A good first jump," he says, arms folded. I grin a little. Then we watch the others jump. The Dauntless-born are pros. They're used to this. The transfers have a tougher time though. Miraculously, everyone makes it on. Some more gracefully than others. Nobody is factionless...yet.

I stare around at everyone on the train. This is my first opportunity to actually get a good look at everyone. Half of them are much broader than I am, their shirts tight on their muscular arms. Intimidating in looks, but probably not as easy-moving and agile. Again, I have the advantage. I only compare myself because I've heard about the Dauntless initiation, and how intense and difficult it is. Out of all the factions, a majority of factionless come from Dauntless-born and transfers who don't get past initiation. Then there's Eric, the Erudite. He's on the lean side, but the dark look in his eyes suggest he can do his fair share of damage.

Soon we arrive at our destination because Max is telling everyone to get ready for the jump off. This jump is more difficult than the last because we must be able to jump from the train and onto a building many stories high. If we don't make the clearing, death is certain. The pressure is on. I take my millionth deep breath of the day, working out how I will make this happen without plummeting to the ground. I come to the conclusion that the best way to land on the building is to not think of the other possibility. I cannot fall. I will not be dead or factionless this early on. I've waited too long to get away from my father. I have to prove to him, I am capable without him. I know I am.

I prepare for a running start, but am distracted when a guy with tan skin and dark hair, runs past me. I see him flying through the air, but it's over as quickly as it started. He has landed safely on the building top. The guy looks down and his eyes grow huge as he realizes how high up we are. I gulp. Height? Not my thing. But I have to ignore it. But no matter how many times I tell myself this, I believe less and less that I can. My palms sweat again and I get slightly dizzy. I shouldn't have looked down in the first place. Now things begin to swim before my eyes. This is not good. More people are jumping and I'm still standing here. It's now or never. I close my eyes briefly, and when I open them, I don't look down, I look across to the other side. And then I'm running, and then flying, and then landing. Hard. I made it. Now it's over. Except it actually isn't, I find out.

Once we're all gathered around, Max brings us to the ledge of the building.

"Down there is the entrance to Dauntless. There is a net at the bottom of the pit. You all must jump from this point, down." He waits for the news to sink in. Looks of excitement turn to looks of concern.

"So who's first?" Max asks cheerfully.

A few people step back, away from the ledge. I, along with Eric and the tan guy, step forward looking over the edge. I might as well get it over with so I don't have any chance of letting my fear of heights get to me again. I look from Eric to the other guy, eyebrows raised. When they look skeptical, I shrug.

"I'll jump first," I say, loud enough for everyone to hear me.

"Excellent!" Max says. Then he gestures for me to proceed.

I step closer to the edge. So close, my toes hang off the side. Behind me I hear someone snort.

"A Stiff? This should be good."

I don't know how being the first to jump off a building makes me a Stiff, but I don't say anything. Instead, I just take my usual deep breath, and before I can back down, jump.

I let out a joyous cry as the adrenaline kicks in. Then I smile, because I know I'll be on ground soon. The drop seems like it lasts minutes, but I know it's only been a few seconds before I land roughly on the giant net placed down at the bottom of the pit. I take in my surroundings. This place really is one huge pit!

Arms are pulling my off the net, and people are cheering. I notice a large group of Dauntless crowd around to watch us. Everyone is dressed in all black. Tattoos cover skin, and piercings stand out on many faces. Some people even have colored streaks in their hair. I become aware of how out of place I must look with my Abnegation gray. But I don't care. I'm finally standing straight on my feet, solid ground beneath me.

A man not much older than I am with brown hair and tattoos on both arms, smiles at me before asking, "What's your name?"

"Tobias," I tell him.

Then he's shouting, "First jumper! Tobias!"

People cheer again.

"Please wait right over here while the other jumpers come in." He points off to the side where another Dauntless man stands.

I make my way over as the next jumper is coming down.

The man has a box in his arms. As I approach he pulls out a syringe full of bright liquid.

"The first thing you will do in Dauntless is visit your Fear Landscape. Once everyone is down here, I'll further explain."

I nod. The man injects the needle into my neck.

"Oh, and welcome to Dauntless," he says.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey, guys! I'm really glad you enjoyed the first chapter! That makes me excited to keep updating! I'll try my best to update at least once a week. So thank you, and keep the reviews coming! Enjoy the next chapter!**

Chapter 2

It isn't long before all the initiates have made their jumps, and we are all gathered around the man who injected me with the syringe.

"Welcome to Dauntless, everyone. We are so glad you decided to choose us as your new faction. My name is Amar, and for the next few weeks I'm going to be the instructor for all the transfer initiates. I'm going to help you the best I can during the initiation process, so that you all have an equal chance, so that you have the option to not become factionless as long as you put in the effort."

Amar doesn't seem to be much older than me. Maybe a couple years. His hair is jet black and sticks out a little in the front. He seems easy-going, a jovial smile playing at his face whenever he talks. His lip is pierced, and tattoos cover much of his arms. Completely normal by Dauntless standards.

Amar continues, "I've injected about half of you with a serum. Don't worry, it isn't poison. The first thing you're going to face here is your fear landscape. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a room where you will be faced with every one of your fears. It's simulated different for each of you. The idea is to get through your fear landscape by calming your heart rate or embracing your fears to move on to the next one."

He pauses to let us digest the information. I take the opportunity to think of my fears. An image of Marcus materializes on the inside of my brain. I swallow, knowing he'll definitely be in my fear landscape.

"This is where Dauntless-born and transfers will split. So if you are a transfer, stay here. Dauntless-borns, you can go with Jesse"—he gestures to a short man to his left—"and get your injection from him."

There is a shuffle of feet as the Dauntless-borns move over to Jesse.

"Now, let's get going before those injections start working…"

Amar leads to a room about the Pit. It is very high up, in fact. As we continue up the flight of stairs that never seems to end, I start getting nervous. I will myself not to look over the edge. Heights will without a doubt make an appearance in my fear landscape too. But what else will I have to encounter…?

Finally, we make it to the top where we are taken to the room I assume will be the place where each of us will have to conquer our worst nightmares. Amar starts giving us more information.

"You're going to go one at a time. The serum I injected into each of you is programmed to last longer than usual. I will program the computer so that it is set to each of your different landscapes. We'll see how you react to your fears, what you do, but nothing more. Don't worry. This is just your first time. I don't expect anyone to do this in record time. This exercise is simply to get you exposed to your fears. The idea is that after you are exposed to your fears, you will have a simpler time controlling them during initiation."

He stops and grins at us all. "Oh, come on. You're all looking at me like I'm crazy."

Nobody says anything. This definitely isn't what we were expecting to do the moment we arrived.

"After you get through this, you'll be given a tour of Dauntless, and you can get food in the cafeteria. But just remember, this is one of the three initiation stages you'll have to face again eventually, so get accustomed to your fears now," Amar says, smiling again as he notes each of our shocked faces. He seems too happy to me. Then again, he isn't the one about to go into his fear landscape.

"The other point of this exercise is to remind you of the Dauntless belief that nobody is fearless, but you can function better when you have your fears under control, when you can act even when you're scared."

I nod without realizing. It is true, what Amar is telling us. It makes sense. Now if only it were as easy as it sounded.

"I know it probably doesn't sound reasonable, but relax now until it's your turn. Think about your fears and how you will power through them. Don't let your fears become you, do not drown in the prospect of them. Fear occurs because you allow it to. The most horrifying moments in a person's life are built up to be that way because our minds are naturally altered to associate fear with panic. It is instilled in your brain because that's all you've ever known. That is about to change." Amar says this slowly, looking us each in the eyes.

The room is silent as the group of initiates absorb Amar's words. Again, I know he is right. Why do humans even get scared? Where did fear originate from? Who was the first person to feel panic and call it fear? It's interesting to think about, and the more I do, the less it makes sense. But then Amar is calling out the first name, and I abandon these thoughts.

"Eric," he says. "You are the lucky first one." Then he's taking Eric into a side room, and I can only see them on the computer screen. Eric is visibly frightened. I don't blame him though.

"Be brave" is the last thing I hear Amar tell him before the simulation starts. Amar returns to where the rest of us are and sits at the computer to analyze Eric's moves.

The weird thing is that Eric just stands there, not moving a muscle. I can tell he is screaming though, his teeth clenched, but not enough to hide the sounds. I know nothing of what he's facing, only that whenever he conquers a fear, his eyes open briefly, before they close again and he continues to scream. It's almost like Eric is overcoming his fears with his body, because there are moments when he seems completely calm and collected. How is this even possible? I can't tear my eyes away because just then, I see Eric as intelligent, using his Erudite instincts to achieve something that the rest of us can't. And I am leery of him.

He goes through a kind of rhythm with his fears, his eyes opening and closing, his body calm and then squirming, and it goes on for fifteen minutes. Then it's over. I can tell because Amar is rising out of his chair, and because in the other room, Eric's eyes have returned to the present. He's here in Dauntless, not being haunted by his fears.

When the pair returns, Amar wears an amused expression and his hand is resting on Eric's shoulder in a good-natured fashion.

"Not bad, not bad!" he says to the group. Eric's face is triumphant. He must feel accomplished being the first to win the battle with his fear landscape.

"You probably noticed his nice use of breathing control. That's commendable. Alright, alright. Next is Jennifer."

A girl from Candor cautiously approaches Amar. She seems more frightened than Eric did. I hear Amar tell her to be brave as well, and her simulation starts.

Jennifer handles her fears differently. She moves around, and it is mostly easy to guess what her fears are based on her reactions to them. She swats at bees, or maybe they're some other insect. She runs from something. She panics, she screams, she even flails. It isn't going well.

I continue to watch everyone closely, trying to figure out how best to conquer my own fears. But it's hard to find a pattern. Everyone is different. When a boy from Erudite finishes, he comes back with a face streaked with tears. I try not to scowl at his weakness.

"Tobias, you're up," Amar says. I glance up, and see him gesturing for me to follow him.

I hold my breath all the way into the room. I don't have much of an idea about what awaits me other than my father and heights.

Amar looks at me. He is probably an inch or two shorter than I am. I know what he is going to tell me. He is going to tell me to be brave, and like some trigger, my simulation serum will kick in. I don't let him tell me though.

"I know. Be brave, right?" I say, grinning just slightly.

"You're catching on," Amar says, letting out a laugh. Then he leaves the room, and I'm standing alone.

The room goes dark right before it changes completely. I am no longer in Dauntless headquarters. Instead I stand on the roof of a 20 story high building, and wind is whipping my face, making my eyes feel watery. My heart rate picks up to an unsteady pace, and I feel my finger go numb. I knew it was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm not even really sure what I have to do to move on. I know it's impossible to calm my breathing. I try a couple times and am unsuccessful.

I walk to the ledge of the rooftop and, stupidly, I look down. My mouth gets dry, and I can't swallow anymore. The wind picks up, and I back away, afraid I might get blown right off the edge. That's when it hits me. I probably have to jump to move on to the next fear. The thought sends me into a panic. I can't jump. Jumping off the building to get into the Dauntless compound was different. This will surely end my life. But the longer I stand here doing nothing, the more it seems like my only option, and the less I want to do it. Dread overpowers me as if it is the only feeling than can even exist. Like I don't even remember what happiness or anger feels like. Only fear. I have to jump to feel something else again.

And yet I am not moving. The wind is so strong now that if I don't jump, it will surely blow me off. I have to face my fears by myself though. The wind is here to make things worse, not help me do what I can't.

But I can. I think to myself how it will only be a few seconds. Just a few seconds and it will all be over. I'm wasting time. This is stupid. It's not as if I'll ever have to really do this. Just do it. Just do it. Just. Do. It.

Then I'm falling, and I can't suppress the scream that's traveling up my throat. It escapes me. It feels better to scream though. So I scream all the way down. I remember how I'm going to die though. I'm going to hit the concrete and in one plat my life will be over because I jumped off the stupid building. Instead, a second later my feet hit the ground lightly as if I am as light as a feather, my landing graceful.

I feel relief for a fraction of a second. My surroundings change again. I am in a dusky room with nothing but concrete walls and a concrete roof. I wonder what comes next. I don't remember being scared of concrete…

"Ouch!" I yell out involuntarily. Something hard and solid just hit my head, back, and neck area. I turn cautiously to inspect what it is. But there is only wall.

"Oh," I whisper. Then I groan. I should have known.

Around me, everything starts to cave in, until I am hunched over with my arms pulled in to my chest. I think back to my childhood and how I was forced into the small closet whenever I would get in trouble. I hated that closet. I still do. But the memories remind me of why I am scared now.

Confinement. Now one of my fears thanks to my father. Again my heart is racing like I just ran a marathon. I want nothing more than to crouch in fetal position and scream. I remember Amar's words though. About how fear is created by the mind or something like that. I tell myself to stop being a coward. Scared of a freaking closet? Come on, Tobias!

But even making it sound pathetic doesn't help me because you can belittle your fears and make them seem less significant, but the truth of it is, they are more powerful than that.

I choose to tackle this fear by giving in to it, by making it deeper. I get in a squatting position and pull my head in to my neck as far as it will go. My breathing is so loud. The wall collapses inward again, until it is practically molded around my shape. It fits to my size perfectly. Now I am uncomfortable and scared. I can't take it. I try to lift my head, but it just slaps into concrete. I have to hold back my cursing.

Deep breathes. That will work. Or it had better, because I'm out of ideas. I need to escape before I succumb to the power of anxiety, which is now threatening to overwhelm me and leave me defeated. So I breathe in and out as slowly as I possibly can. It's harder than it seems, calming yourself down. My hands are shaking uncontrollably. Keep breathing. Keep breathing. I try thinking of something else. Of how I won't have to be in that closet because I've escaped my father. I think of how free all the Dauntless are. I think of anything but my current predicament. Miraculously, it works. I feel the walls ease away, and coolness replaces the feeling of concrete on my back.

That might have been harder than jumping off that building a few minutes ago. I hate to think of what comes next. And I can't help it when a distant tremor seeps through me at the thought of what I will eventually and inevitably have to face. My father, Marcus. I push the thought aside for now. What next?

The room changes yet again. It is now vast and white everywhere. There is a single table in the middle. I am confused. I don't have a single inkling as to what this could be. I do the only thing that seems logical, and that is approach the table. When I am right next to it, a faceless woman steps seemingly out of nowhere. She stares at me with innocent eyes. What am I supposed to do? She isn't scary at all. I don't recognize her either.

I look at the table. A gun materializes, and I swear that wasn't there just a moment ago. Things begin to make sense though. I'm almost positive that I have to shoot the innocent woman to get by. I've never even shot a gun before. I had no idea that I was even frightened of this until now. Now I can see how it's scary. Now it frightens me deeply. Sickens me, even. The panic I felt while facing my previous fears isn't present. I don't feel panic so much as guilt and dread. I steady my breathing much more easily. I pick up the gun. It feels foreign in my clammy hand.

I look the woman in the eyes and hold the gun up. I'll probably miss. I would like it if I miss. Then the lady won't die by my hands. But because this is a simulation, I know that I won't miss no matter how poor my aim is. I pull the trigger and watch as the bullet flies through the air as if in slow motion. Metal makes contact with skin, and then there's red. I look away instantly, not wanting to assess the damage I've done. I never realized how awful it would feel to shoot someone. Abnegation didn't exactly allow me to think such thoughts. I throw the gun on the floor.

The woman disappears, and is replaced by a new figure. Here he is. The person I fear most.

Marcus walks forward, his face full of hatred. I loathe him right back, but as much as I try, I can't help but fear him more than I hate him.

Next he is sliding his belt off. And I predict the words that will come out of his mouth just as I did with Amar.

"This is for your own good," he states, his voice full of malice. Before I can respond—what would I even say?—he is raising his arm, belt in hand. I cower out of instinct, and put my arms out in front of me to prevent the pain from reaching my face.

"No…no…stop it," I plead.

The leather connects with my hands. Heat and pain course through them. I can feel the stinging even after he back off. He backs off only to gain momentum for the next swing. I know how I have to overcome this fear.

"Stop!" I yell it this time. Marcus stops mid-swing.

"Stop?" He is practically laughing at me.

"You can't haunt me here too. Stop," I say. He retreats, and I know I've won this time.

Suddenly I am back in Dauntless headquarters. I am in the room where Amar brought me to tackle my fears. But it doesn't seem right. How can I be done? Did something go wrong? I've only gotten through four of my fears. Then I think about it. What other fears do I have that I didn't just come into contact with? I come up blank. Do I really only have four fears? I can't help but smile, especially after what I just managed to get through.

Amar comes in the side door. He is grinning so broadly, that I can't help but let my grin grow as well.

"How'd I do?" I ask. I am hesitant even though his face should reassure me.

"Are you kidding, Tobias?" He starts to laugh.

"What?" I ask.

"You do realize you only have four fears, right?"

"Yeah…I mean I guess since my fear landscape—"

"Tobias, this is practically unheard of! The average amount of fears a person has is ten to fifteen! You have less than half that!" He's beaming at me now.

I feel something swell up inside me. Something like pride. And I wasn't aware I could even smile so hugely. Or maybe I've just never tried.

"This is going to be talked about for sure," Amar says, clapping me on the back.

I don't know what to say.

"Come on. I need to announce this!" And then he's dragging me out of the room, past the other initiates whose faces, I notice, are in disbelief.

I almost feel embarrassed when we're out in the Pit where there are so many people.

Amar whistles to get their attention. When people are looking, he says, embarrassing me further, "Abnegation transfer with only four fears right here! A Stiff, can you believe it?"

And to my surprise, people actually start cheering like they did when I jumped into the net this morning. And the embarrassment vanishes just like that. I give a sheepish smile, and Amar brings me back to the group of initiates.

"Well, I'm just going to let you know that you have some competition. I've got my eyes on this guy right here. Tobias, you said your name was?" Amar is making this a huge deal.

"Yes," I say, aware of all the initiates staring at me jealously.

"More like Four now," he says, chuckling. I laugh too.

"That's alright, really—"

"Alright, alright. Back to business. Who's next?"

We continue to watch those of the initiates who are left. But nobody else has as few fears as me. Even when we finish, nobody is quite on my level.

I don't know why exactly, but my fear landscape gives me confidence for the rest of initiation. If this is the worst of it, then I should be well off. As we walk out of the fear landscape room for Amar to give us a tour, I notice Eric glaring at me. I raise an eyebrow at him, and he looks away. Not everyone can be lucky enough to have just four fears.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello! Sorry this update couldn't come sooner. I have no excuse except that I've been glued to the olympics (Team USA!) and Tumblr. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long. Also, I want to explain something that affects my fic. Recently, Veronica Roth answered an ask she recieved on Tumblr about what everyone in Dauntless called Four before he got his nickname. Well her answer is inconsistant with my fic. She said that since the first thing they do is go through their fear landscape, he was never called Tobias. Amar gave him the nickname right after that, and it stuck from there. Meaning, he couldn't have been first jumper and he never went by Tobias for even a day. I might go back and fix that later, but for now I'm just going to leave it as is. Hope you all don't mind. Besides that, I hope you like this chapter! Reviews inspire me to update quicker. **

Chapter 3

"As you saw earlier, this is where most of the action is. We call this The Pit. After each day of training you are free to do what you like, and most activities can be done here," says Amar.

I look around at all the people adorned in black, laughing and recklessly messing around. I also see places to get clothing and tattoos. I think about when I will inevitably have to discard my gray in exchange for black. The thought makes everything seem more real. Being here and seeing so many faces full of energy and excitement makes me finally feel free.

"This concludes your tour. I'm going to bring you to the Cafeteria for dinner now. But first a few things about training days. We will begin every morning at 8:00 a.m. and no later. Please be prepared. Additionally, it would be wise of you to take everything as seriously as you can. This is the difference between becoming a member of the Dauntless and becoming factionless. This is where you'll want to pay attention if you haven't been"

Amar whom I was beginning to think couldn't do anything with his mouth but smile, gives us a stern look, his mouth a straight line. His dark eyes piercing.

He continues, "It is our faction rule that only ten initiates become members. That number includes not only you, but also the Dauntless-born initiates. This isn't going to be simple, but you're all capable. As I've said before, you have to be willing to put forth the appropriate effort."

I don't remember how many Dauntless-borns there are, but I count thirteen of us. I do my best to keep a straight face as I've been doing since the Choosing Ceremony. I don't know why I have this obsession with seeming in control of myself, but I can't shake it. Some of the other initiates aren't as successful as I am. I hear a gulp or two. It's like I can almost feel the anticipation that has mounted on top of us.

Amar must sense it too because he lets a smile take over his face once again, and his eyes return to normal.

"Let's eat. I'm sure you're all hungry by now," he says.

The Cafeteria is down a nearby hallway, leading away from The Pit. It's crowded when we walk in, and again, people cheer for us.

Automatically, all of us initiates gravitate toward the same table. I seat myself at the end of the bench, and a guy with curly red hair is on my right. The boy I saw crying earlier sits across from me. He looks regretful already. He isn't going to last long with that attitude. I look at the food choices before me. There is a mound of shredded meat, and it is covered in sauce. I spoon some onto a bun and place it on my plate. There are also potato strips and some vegetables which I also take. The sauce smells delicious, and I am eager to taste it.

The red head glances at my face and lets out a small laugh. I raise an eyebrow at him in question.

"What?" I ask, maybe a little too forcefully.

"Well, you were kind of making an excited face while staring at your pulled pork sandwich. I just thought it was funny." He shrugs.

"I've never had this sauce before," I say.

"Ah, yes. You're a Stiff. I forgot."

I turn away from him, and bite into the sandwich. It tastes even better than it smells. I can certainly get used to this.

"My name's Cody," he says.

I nod. I don't want to give him my name. I don't think I even have to. He probably already knows.

"And you're...?"

Apparently he doesn't know. I sigh. I hate it when people want to play 20 questions with me. If I want them to know something, I'll tell them. Simple as that. But I oblige.

"I'm T-"

"Four! Just the guy I was looking for," says a voice from behind me. I don't have to turn; I know it's Amar. Why he's calling me that like it's my name is a mystery to me. I decide I'll go with it though, so I don't have to be burdened by my actual name anymore.

I turn my head. Amar is accompanied by the Dauntless-born instructor, Jesse. They're walking toward me. I glance at Cody who just shrugs.

"Yep, he's the one with only four fears. Crazy right?" Amar says when he comes up right behind me.

"Impressive," Jesse agrees.

"So what do you say to a nickname like that? Four. Catchy, right? You could definitely be a Four."

I laugh a little. "Yeah, yeah. It's alright," I say. I almost wish I could make this less of a big deal, but I'm also pleased because people will remember me. I have a higher chance as an initiate if my instructor likes me. And okay, fine. I can't deny that it brings me intense satisfaction and pride. But I'm not cocky. I would never admit that out loud. Then I'd just be that guy who brags about having only four fears.

After a few more words, Amar finally leaves with Jesse. I breathe out a sigh of relief. I can't have other initiates seeking me out as their enemy before we've even really started just because our instructor wants to play favorites.

"So...Four is it?" Cody smirks.

"Um, yeah. I guess so," I say with the smallest of grins.

"Our instructor seems pretty awesome, don't you think?"

"Yeah, he's cool," I say. I do like Amar.

"He's a bit cheerful for my taste, but he seems really knowledgeable," says a boy sitting across from Cody and diagonal from me. He has dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes that are impossible to not notice.

"I'm Julian, by the way," he tells us. Cody and I introduce ourselves as well. I hesitate, but end up proclaiming my name as Four. He chuckles at the name, but I can sense it's not friendly.

"Hm?" I say.

"Four? Really?" he says, shaking his head.

"Amar gave me the nickname-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I saw you in your fear landscape. I can make the connection."

"I don't know about you, but I'd rather have some lame nickname if it means my instructor is going to like me more than get lost in the crowd of faces." I cock an eyebrow at Julian as if daring him to contradict me.

"I don't need a nickname to get the attention of my instructor. Initiation has barely begun. There's plenty of time for me to show him my skills."

"And I'll be the one with the nickname and the skills," I remark. I'm calm, but I don't think he is.

"Alright, alright. We can talk about who has the better skills once we actually figure out what we're doing. Relax, you two," Cody says.

"Right, yeah. For all we know, your scrawny ass could be better than ours," Julian says. He's laughing. But so is Cody.

"Never underestimate people on the smaller smaller side," Cody says.

Just then a tall girl with extremely long brown hair walks up to the end of the table holding a platter.

"Do you guys want the rest of this cake? We're all finished on the other end."

For a no longer than a couple seconds we all just kind of stare at her. Then Julian speaks up.

"What kind is it?"

"Double chocolate," she says. "It's really good."

"Yeah, okay. We'll take it." He gestures for her to set it down. I see the boy directly across from me look up for the first time.

"Well, see you then," she says. And she waves before walking back to the other side of the table.

"I'm Cody!" Cody calls after her loudly.

"Just in case you wanted to know..." he finishes in a quiet, uncertain tone. The girl doesn't look back.

I try not to laugh too hard at Cody.

"She's a bit out of your league, man," Julian says.

"What do you know about who's in my league and who isn't?" he snaps back.

I just sit back and listen to them bicker. It's weird. I can't tell if Julian wants to be friends with us or not. Cody is from Candor and Julian from Erudite. Even without their attire to give it away, I would have been able to tell.

I cut myself a slice of the double chocolate cake, and it is the most delicious thing I have ever had in my life. No faction should be deprived of cake, I decide. I notice the boy across from me took a slice too, and he actually smiles at how wonderful it is. But the expression is quickly turned to a frown again. He must think he'll become factionless.

Once I'm finished eating, I decide it's time to get something more Dauntless to wear. I head to the store I saw in The Pit. There are a couple Erudite girls looking around when I arrive. Besides them, I don't recognize anyone. I get a few plain black t-shirts and also a pair of black jeans. This will have to work for now.

I don't know what else to do right now. I'm not feeling particularly adventurous at the moment. Especially after this long day. So I just walk to our dormitory. Inside there is a chalkboard on one wall. Other than that, the only things to decorate the room are the numerous beds. About half of them have already been claimed, their owners sitting around chatting to each other. I spot Cody laying on his bed, stomach down. He has a piece of paper and a pen. He's writing something.

I decide to take the bed beside his. I sit down.

"Writing something?" I ask.

For a moment he looks alarmed. He recovers quickly though.

"Just a letter..."

"I see." I don't press him for more information. I hate when others do that to me.

"I can send mail, right?"

I shrug. Even if I knew, I wouldn't encourage it. I assume it's a letter to family or friends back in Candor. Who does he think he's kidding? We have to leave all that behind now or we'll always be stuck. Stuck in our old lives and in old routines. This is where we are now. We can't wear our pasts like a leash. It will only choke us. I decide that if I see it again, I'll say something.

I fold my new clothes neatly and place them at the end of my bed. I hear snippets of conversations. Some of the initiates are trying to predict what we'll be asked to do tomorrow. Others discuss the fear of not ranking in the top ten. It surprises me that everyone gets on so easily this early on. I suppose they're all just eager to make connections with others. Nobody wants to be friendless. Right now we're sort of all we have.

It could be because I'm not the kindest person, but I can't get myself to join in with them just yet. Or maybe it's not because I'm unkind. It's because I am suspicious of everyone all the time.

Julian walks in. He has a bundle of black clothes with him. He takes a look around before approaching me.

"Four. What do you say we forget about what happened in the Cafeteria?"

"Do you say that because you realized you were being an idiot or because you just want the bunk above me?" I say.

"Testy much?"

I shrug.

"Fine. I am so sorry I was being a jerk. Now can I pretty please have the top bunk?" Julian says in a mock dramatic voice. I could detect his sarcasm from a mile away.

I don't say anything.

"Not a people person are you?"

"What gives you that idea?" I say.

"I know my own kind," he says with a smirk.

"Top's all yours,' I tell him.

Cody and I exchange a look as Julian climbs up the ladder and is only up there long enough to throw his clothes in a pile. He's back on the floor in seconds.

Suddenly I hear raised voices. I look over and am surprised to see two girls praising another and laughing loudly. It bothers me a little. I see what they're going on about. One of the girls-I think I remember her name being Shawna-has a brand new tattoo on her hip. She sure didn't waste any time. She must be certain she'll rank well.

Finally everyone begins to settle down. I still can't get over how talkative everyone is. Like nobody remembers that, in a way, we're all competing against each other. I think that will probably change tomorrow once we really start with initiation.

I set my alarm so I won't be late in the morning. Then I climb into bed just as Eric is turning off the lights. Now that I am settled down and not distracted, my mind wanders home. It seems like so long ago that I was waking up this morning. I try to imagine how Marcus is reacting to my departure. I couldn't care less about his feelings. Why should I? He never cared about mine. I scowl into my pillow. None of the things that used to matter do anymore. Here in Dauntless I'm faced with a new set of challenges. But because this is a faction so set on overcoming cowardice, I almost feel guilty. Guilty because I came here for the wrong reasons. I may have the aptitude for Dauntless, but that isn't why I came, and that will always be my biggest secret.

If I learn to like it here, learn to call this place home instead, then maybe the guilt will go away. I don't regret my choice. I only resent my reasons for it. But I know one thing for sure, and it is that I wear my mask well. I will continue to wear it well. And I am not fearful so much as uneasy at the thought of it one day being uncovered. Because you can run and run from secrets, but while running, you are digging. Digging deeper and deeper, until there is nowhere else to go. It's unsettling, the amount of damage one can do to themselves simply by thinking. And it's more unsettling when you realize how little people really know about others.

I force myself to let those thoughts go. They won't do me any good. For the next few weeks, what I really need to do is focus on initiation. I refuse to hold guilt's hand. I think about the double chocolate cake from dinner. Maybe I can have that for breakfast tomorrow.


End file.
